Warning: This is a long one!
I had trouble writing this post. Not because I couldn't find the words, but because this piece represents me today. It's a very fresh perspective on what is going on in my head at this very moment of time. Revealing my thoughts on this piece is me revealing a lot of my vulnerabilites. But as I try to tell you, my readers and friends, being vulnerable isn't a weakness.
So here it goes:
As everyone in this world, I have many layers. The sarcastically charged humor and ability to laugh at almost anything are the veils that mask my inner most thoughts. Like this painting, I'm all over the place in life: physically, mentally, relationships, even spiritually.
Physically: Full time job, part time job, painting, social activities, sleep. There is rarely time to relax when I'm constantly running around. And the sick part? I do it to myself. I love being busy. At what moment does it stop being a quirk and start becoming a problem?
Mentally: Being stretched to the max mentally can be cumbersome. It also creates a great deal of physiological stress and tension. One of my greatest flaws is my tendency to overthink. Being empathetic and compassionate is different than being consumed with the thoughts of "Did I do that correctly?" or "Would this person do the same for me?" There comes a point when it shouldn't and doesn't matter. I'm slowly learning that the little things in life don't need to be analyzed. They don't need to be dissected into tiny morsels just so I can go about my day.
Relationships: As many of you saw from my exhibit, I have had quite the past in regards to relationships. I recently had a discussion with a friend about my tendencies when it comes to significant others. Date a jerk, get heart broken, paint a painting. Date a nice guy, break his heart, paint a painting. Inevitably, it all leads back to art. How do I break the cycle though? What do I need to do to ensure that I can be happy with someone who wants to be happy with me? The challenge: being "wife material" with someone who is "husband material." It seems so easy for some.
Spiritually: (Please note that I do not intend on offending anyone or creating a contraversial topic. Religion/Faith is just as important as any of the other categories and this is my personal opinion). I was raised Baptist. My faith was a bit shaken when I realized how hypocritical [from personal experience] a lot of my peers in youth were becoming. This was the time period when "WWJD" bracelets became a huge fad. Don't flash a piece of plastic in my face and claim you are closer to God than myself just because I didn't have one.
My next run in with negativity toward religion was when a very close friend announced his homosexuality in high school. Luckily, the backlash wasn't severe, but comments were made. Don't tell someone they're going to hell. Ever. Not acceptable. Who are you to judge?
Over the years I have felt myself getting close to then slip away and then become close again with God. It's a roller coaster of a ride and one that I'm sure will have many more ups and downs until the end. I feel that positive lessons can come from so many different religions. Having faith in one particular religion can be achieved while learning from many and making yourself a better person in general.
Conclusion: It's easy to look at others and "solve" their problems as if it were a quick fix. We all focus on what is considered right and wrong, black and white, instead of looking within and seeing what is right and wrong for us within the situation. Before we ask advice from friends, we already know what we want them to say. When flipping for heads or tails, we already know what we wish the coin will land on.
I quite possibly should have called this piece "Inward Reflection" as it seems this is what has come about but at the time of creating it, my mind was in a tail spin as if I had just been hit by gunfire and I was free falling with nothing but the ground to catch me.
P.L.A.
Farly
**Hanging in the Gamber Center until the end of January 2012 | 
